Nerve.

I've never shied away from the fact that i'm bipolar--it's a fact of life, i take a pill daily and hope for the best. Every now and then I have a manic moment, and yesterday was one of those days. It was sparked by several events: 'friends' who threw me under the bus, a close friend's terminally ill parent and my inability to physically be there for him, and work.

Work is the least of my worries. Honestly, they can't do much about it, and i didn't flip out on the floor.

And that I can't physically be there for my friend and their family is also beyond my control. I can support this person via phone/e-mail/text, and it will have to suffice. Why it's even an issue is because I've been exactly where this person has been. This person was my rock when I needed them, and I'm sorry I can't give back the way I'd like. If it were up to me I'd be on the next plane out of here.

What's far more troublesome, and what actually sparked the manic episode was a couple of my alleged friends. They are both bipolar, one medicated and one not. The medicated one is a recent discovery and while i'm fine with that, i'm not fine with being chucked under the bus because my cellphone ringer wasn't on.

First of all, I have a fucking landline for a reason. Secondly, my ringer is *never* on. Third, get fucking bent. Fuck you for blaming an admittedly weird and shitty night on my lack of being there.

Did you think you wouldn't have done coke had I been there? Every single one of my friends knows that I cannot/will not be around that stuff. It's been 12 or 13 years since I've last touched it, a relative of mine struggled with addiction, and my husband was a (recovering) addict.

That you collectively had a shitty time is not my fault. I wasn't there. And it's not fair to throw J under the bus either. She got sick. Didn't feel well, went home.

I would rather continue to live my monk's life than hang out with these people. I will not allow addiction to have an effect on my life. I'm far too old for this shit, and I've come too far in the last couple of years.